Completely Blessed

Beads of perspiration dripped down my neck and face, as I persevered toward the two-hour mark. I could tell I had entered an upper-class residential area, because the road became quieter, and smoother. The noisy passing cars which had seemed to smother me with exhaust fumes became more sporadic, and then seemed to disappear entirely. Stone walls lined both sides of the road, with giant gates appearing every so often. Villas or vacation rentals, I thought. Everything seemed so deserted, so void of movement or activity. And then I saw it sliding open.

It was a tall, polished wooden gate, and it slowly disappeared into the wall. Behind it stood a majestic, massive estate. Enormous bay windows, three stories high, with a spacious porch overlooking a deck pool and a perfectly manicured lawn. Stone pathways led to iron benches and wooden swings, while cascading tropical flowers covering everything. It was paradise, brilliant and breathtaking.

After three seconds of gawking, I glimpsed her back as she turned to close the front door behind her. The owner maybe? Or the wife or daughter of the owner, perhaps. I continued my exercise routine, picking up my pace. Those brief moments of staring had been enough to emblazon the images in my mind.

It started building slowly at first, and I didn’t even recognize it. As it strengthened, I felt my heart rate accelerate rapidly. Despite my sweat-drenched face, I felt my cheeks begin to burn. Resentment had reared its ugly head.

I searched for reasons why living in the lap of luxury could possibly be frustrating.

Nothing.

I began to think of why some people deserve to live like royalty, while others have nothing. Like me.

Again, I came up empty-handed.

The gap between their life and mine seemed to stretch for miles. Perhaps even worlds apart. And it was not fair. Not right. I work hard, I heard myself whining. But my entire life savings would be pennies in the pockets of millionaires like these, I thought with despair.

Ouch. It pinched hard and fast. I brushed it away as I would an irritating mosquito. It appeared again, this time scratching my arm and leaving a red mark. I refused to give it the satisfaction of my attention. Relentless, it jabbed through my flesh and pierced my soul, drawing the blood of remorse and tears of shame.

God, I cried out, forgive me.

I woke up this morning, and unlike others, I had a bed, with a mattress and sheets to climb out of. I had running water to wash my hands, and soap to clean myself with. Unlike millions of people in the world today, I had a refrigerator stocked with food. Milk and eggs, cheese and butter. Such lavishness that many people will only imagine. And then I had freedom—to go, to stay, to read and write and learn. I chose what to do today, just as I will choose tomorrow, and the next day.

And the next.

This is what some people search for their entire lives. What I am privileged to enjoy. What I dare to take for granted.

Such extravagant wealth. Such enormous riches. God, first make me see them. Make them stare me in the face, as I crumble to my knees with the overwhelming sensation of gratefulness.

And then make me give them away. Compel me to share them with others. Let a mindless passion for generosity overtake me, as I see my life for what it is. Completely blessed by you.